Summers & Winters, Scattered Like Splinters

"Through eighty-six years of perpetual motion, if he likes you he'll smile and he'll say, 'Jimmy, some of it's magic. Some of it's tragic, but I had a good life all the way.'"

Today's title and song snippet is "He Went To Paris" by Jimmy Buffett

The funny part about this particular blog post is that Brian's sister, may or may not read it. Though I have chosen to not censor myself (save my "sailor's mouth") I find it slightly terrifying and amusing that she may choose to read this particular post. I know from Brian, that she's read at least one of my other posts, so it's a possibility that she has chosen to follow along with my invitation to cyber-stalk me. :D

Anyway, on to today's post. Today I received a text message from my amazing boyfriend. The fact that I received a text message is not the reason that I decided to write this out. Texts from him are pretty much a daily occurrence. The contents of the message is the reason I'm up at 2:30am writing this. Once you get passed the code Brian writes in (his spelling can be absolutely atrocious and he knows it) he told me that his mom would like to meet me.

Enter instant panic mode.

I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous. Truth be told, my mind was running a mile a minute (the longer you follow, the more you'll understand that most of the thinking I do is worrying. Brian tells me all the time that "it must be exhausting" being me, and most days it is). I'm ashamed to admit that I immediately went into girlie mode, wondering what I should wear, how the hair should be done, whether or not to wear makeup, etc. I wanted to vomit. True story, no lies being told here. I was in a full blown panic, so much so that I called my dad. Daddy, of course, said the things that dads are supposed to. "Be yourself, dress nice, etc." Somehow talking to him calmed me a bit.

The panic subsided until it came time to actually leave and meet her. Heart started hammering again, hands were shaking, and I was nauseous all over again. This is so out of character for me that I didn't even know how to begin to describe it. I have never been nervous to meet a person. I couldn't begin to talk myself down from what was growing into a panic attack, because I didn't know where it began.

Obviously, I would prefer that she likes (liked?) me. I want her to think that I'm good enough for her son, because her opinion does matter. I kinda sorta like him a lot, and I want his family to like me. That's not such a crazy thought, is it? I don't know. The more I think about it (Ah, thinking. My nature persists) I think that it sounds strange, but doesn't everyone want to be liked? No matter how much we say that we don't care what other people think of us, when someone thinks badly of us, it truly does have an impact.

I walked into the restaurant where we were meeting and sat down with Brian, Lauren (his sister), and his mom (Karen). Three menus. Great. Nothing to distract myself from the awkward terror crawling inside of me, but once we all got to talking and sharing stories, I was calm again. The fear, panic, nervousness just disappeared, and I had a great time. I really enjoyed myself, and I hope that they did too.

I'm happy that I got to meet the woman who gave life to the amazing man I call mine. I just wish I were able to return the favor. I know she's there, and she can see everything going on. And I know I can tell stories about her, but I really wish he could have met her. She would be proud of me for having such a great guy in my life. I miss her every single day.

No sadness. Not during the week of my birthday. And even without Brian here to help me celebrate, I plan on having a great 24th birthday doing whatever I'm doing. I just wish I knew what it was. Ha ha.


I thought that this blog post was going to be much longer than it turned out, but I got everything written out all the same.

Thank you for taking the time to get inside of my head. It's pretty chaotic. :)
-Sammi

And The World Spins Madly On...

"I watch the stars from my window sill. The whole world is moving, but I'm standing still..."
-Today's title and song snippet is "World Spins Madly On" by The Weepies

I'm not happy with my body. This isn't a secret, and anyone who knows me should know this. I've always been a self-conscious person, even when I probably shouldn't be. Even though I've made the decision to not censor myself here, I can't help but pause as I write these words. Maybe I don't want to admit it all "out loud"? Maybe I just don't want to admit it to myself?

I'll be the first to admit that I've never been the healthiest eater. Even when I was a vegetarian for those six years, I didn't get the proper nutrition that I needed. While I'm not a huge fan of junk food, or sweets for that matter, fast food is the easiest. I guess that would explain why 1/3 of Americans are either overweight or obese. Unfortunately for me, I fall in the latter category. Apparently because of my height, or lack thereof (I'm 5'1.5" tall, and yes the .5 is important) I should weigh between 95 and 116 lbs. Let's just suffice to say that I don't fall within their idea of a "normal" weight. Nor will I ever. Looking at my frame, if I were to weigh 116, which is borderline overweight, my ribcage would be sticking out. I have curves, and I'm not ashamed to admit that. While I know that I will never be society's "ideal" weight, I at least want to be happy when I look in the mirror or a picture that was taken with friends and my most amazing boyfriend. I want to be able to look at a picture and think "Wow, I look really happy" or "I look really pretty". I just want to be able to look at a picture and not automatically want to crop it.

Brian, Monica, John, Felicia (Monica's mom), and I all went to the waterpark on Tuesday. We all had a great time (minus the sunburn that's currently bothering me as I type this). We were there for hours. Brian and I did all of the water slides and had fun in the wave pool, and just relaxed in the Lazy River. I walked around in my bikini next to Brian, and he held my hand like he was happy to be with me. And I think I can safely say that he was, and is. And for the first time in a long time, I was comfortable in my own skin.

I love looking back at pictures, and remembering the memories associated with it, so I obviously took my camera to take pictures. We had someone take a group photo of us, and I was originally going to post it on Facebook, but decided not to. Why? Because I need time to crop it out. I looked at it, and I couldn't see the memories, all I could see was my weight. There was this gorgeous man with his arms around me, and one of my best friends in the picture, but all I could see was my weight.

I wish I could be that confident girl all the time. The girl who isn't afraid to just be proud of the way she looks. I want to be that girl all the time. The girl who walked around with this amazing man holding her hand, and she didn't give a damn about what anyone thought about her, because all that mattered in that moment in time was what he thought. But then again, I shouldn't rely solely on what he thinks of me either. At the end of the day, what I think of me is the most important thing, right? But even so, walking around with him gave me the confidence to just be comfortable in my own body. Even if it was only for a couple of hours. So, what does that say about me? How should I feel about that?

And I can sit here and complain about how uncomfortable I am in my own skin until I'm blue in the face, but at the end of the day I'm still not doing anything about it. Why? Because I lack the motivation, the confidence, and the drive to even get started. I'm so rooted down by my fears that I can't even begin to fix what makes me unhappy. I'm terrified that I'll never finish what I started, or if I do finish, that I'll be unhappy with the results.

I just want to be happy, and I know that it's not going to happen overnight, and I know that it won't happen without me actually working to make it happen, but I don't know if I can do it again.

There is a little known fact about me. Something that I haven't told a lot of people, mostly because it was none of their business. Four or five years ago, I was anorexic. And bulimic. There, it's been said. It's out for the world to see. Or whoever reads this. I let what other people thought of me get the best of me at that point in my life. One person in particular. I never felt good enough for this person. I was never pretty enough, sexy enough, smart enough, tall enough, skinny enough, etc. The bottom line is, I was just never enough. And that really started to wear and tear on me. I wanted so badly to be good enough that I started with the weight loss. I stopped eating, and when I was expected to eat in front of people I would, but then I would immediately go to the washroom just to vomit it back up. I told people that I was vomiting after every meal, but I lied and said that I didn't know why. I did know why. I was sticking my fingers down my throat to make it happen. I started running. A lot. I was running upwards of four miles at a time. While not eating. I started to lose weight. A lot of weight, very quickly.

I was about 120 lbs, give or take a few. My ribcage was already showing.

I don't want to go through that again. I don't want to put myself through that again, it's unhealthy. But I don't know if I'm strong enough to succeed. I would love to just be happy with myself. I don't need to look like a supermodel. I just want to be happy, and healthy.

Thanks for taking the time to get inside of my head. If you have something to add, have a question, or just want to comment, feel free to do so.

-Sammi

I May Be Weak, But I'm Never Defeated...

"And I may be weak, but I'm never defeated, and I'll keep believing in clouds with that sweet silver lining."

Today's title and song snippet are from "Sweet Silver Lining" by Kate Voegele

I haven't been around in a week or so, and while I have SO much to talk about, I would like to do my Friend Makin' Mondays blog hop really quickly. After that, we'll get back to the mindless rambling of my life. :D

If you've taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you're new, please take a moment to answer this week's question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers.

 Today's question: What makes you awesome? List at least five qualities/hobbies/habits that make you cool and unique?

1. I'm no superstar, but I can belt out a tune or two.

2. I love to scrapbook.

3. Most days, I like to think of myself as pretty.

4. I am a pretty decent writer.

5. I am one of the best friends you could ever have.

I feel better now that I've gotten that out of the way. Better late than never, right?

Boy oh boy, did I have a fun filled "weekend". 

Monday was the beginning of my "weekend". Two blessed days off from the job. It was wonderful. 

Monday morning was spent in the upstairs office of Comfort's Catering, while I taught Felicia (Monica's mom) how to do the data entry that I was doing. With all the hours that I'm working at Wal-Mart, I'm not able to keep up with their daily invoices and I didn't want them to fall behind. I recommended Felicia, and offered to train her myself. Afterward, we picked up Felicia's daughter Sarah, her friend Nish (she's a foreign exchange student from Indonesia. At least I think that's where she's from), and Felicia's friend Ginger. We all went to the mall to take care of a few errands and to get my my early birthday gift. Shoes! Specifically, work shoes. Standing on my feet all day has really been taking it's toll on my ankles, and a new pair of shoes were in order. After that, we headed to Olive Garden for a quick dinner, and onward to the homestead so I could shower and pick up my room for Brian's visit.

My new shoes

 

The room never did get picked up though. Ha ha.

 

Brian didn't get off of work until 10pm, but he headed right over afterward. We had our weekly classy wine night. Tried two delicious wines that we hadn't tasted before. When I remember the names of them I will post them. You should really try them. Yum! We had a movie recommended to us by his friend. It was a French zombie movie with English dub overs. It was interesting to say the least. I'm still not quite sure I follow that plot. Ha ha.

Tuesday was the beginning of the end of my weekend. Brian and I got up earlyish and went to Michigan City, IN to the zoo. There were no penguins though. :( But even with the lack of penguins, we ended up having a lot of fun.

 

Brian and I in front of the llamas.

 This is my llama face.

We saw lions, and tigers, and bears (oh my!) I wore my new shoes to attempt the beginnings of breaking them in.

 

There's a bear in there. He was just chilling out like., "Yeah, I'm a bear. So what?"

  

I tried to get a picture of him petting the llama. But the llama moved.

  Brian and I squinting in the sunlight at the zoo!

After the zoo, Brian and I went out to eat at some Mexican place. I don't remember the name of it though.

 I call this Brian's "Kill Batman" smile. :D

I stole Brian's hat. This is a good picture for the reason I don't wear hats.

   After that I got dragged to Bass Pro Shops. Oops, I mean suggested we go to. I always forget that my two favorite things are guns and boats. Probably because those are two of Brian's favorite things. :D

When we got home, it was time to go to the grocery store with Felicia and pick up the makings for dinner. Brian had been talking about making me dinner for months, and when neither Felicia nor I felt like cooking, we decided that it was Brian's chance to shine.We picked up stuff for fajitas (I know, Mexican food twice in one day.) I helped Brian a bit in the kitchen, made strawberry shortcake for dessert, and sat back and watched that gorgeous man of mine cook. The food was excellent, to say the least. Felicia and I voted, and of course, Brian lost. He now gets to cook us dinner once a week. :D

After dinner, Brian's (and I suppose also my...) friend Drew stopped by. We sat around in the basement for a couple hours with a couple bottles of wine and chit chatted for a while. Drew left and it was time for bed because Brian had to be up at the crack of 7am. Ha ha. We decided he should just crash here because it was so late, and we had a few drinks. Woke up at 7am (and being the amazing girlfriend I am), I made him a lunch (dinosaur shaped roast beef sandwich, and a cup of cinnamon apple sauce, with a can of coke), and some coffee to drink on his way to work. 

I had to work today at noon, so I went back to sleep for a while. When I got out of work, I found that the lock latch on my door had once again gotten stuck and my door wouldn't shut. Seeing as how I didn't want to drive home on I-65 holding my door closed (all while steering, clutching, and shifting gears) I attempted to fix it myself. After half an hour, and about five minutes of tears, I called Brian sobbing. That amazing man of mine drove half an hour to my work, tools in hand, and fixed my problem in five minutes. My hero!

There's what's been going on the last few days. I'm happy that I get to share it with you. My life, though it's sometimes full of obstacles, is truly a blessed one. I'm so happy with this life that I'm living.

He's my strength when I feel weak, as cheesy as it sounds.

Thank you for taking the time to get inside of my head.

Sammi

I'm Not In This Scene...

"I'm not in this scene. I think I'm falling asleep, but then all that it means is I'll always be dreaming of you..."
Today's title and song snippet is "Feeling This" by Blink-182

I love Monday's lately. No matter what's going on earlier in the day, Monday nights always make me happy. Monday nights are my Brian nights. I look forward to it every week. The day I hate is Tuesday. Ugh. Tuesdays are so bittersweet. Tuesday reminds me that my time with Brian is short lived until the next week, and he goes home. They make me sad. I love the time that I get to spend with him, but once Tuesday rolls around, I'm just reminded that it's not long until I have to wait another week and I hate that.

This Monday was spent at the kitchen table with fondue. There was a rummage sale next door, and I went searching for a lunchbox for work. I didn't find a lunchbox, but I did find the fondue set I had been talking about for weeks for only $5! I was so excited, I HAD to get it. So, on Monday before Brian came over, I did a small shopping trip for steak, chicken, strawberries, bananas, chocolate, and oil.
We did the oil fondue first. I had a lot of fun, and I think that he did too! Then we did the chocolate fondue with strawberries and bananas. It was just a small thing, but it was so much fun. I did have a misadventure with the chocolate though, and unfortunately burned the first batch. I found some Hershey's chocolate kisses in the cabinet, and I was so sad about burning the chocolate that I sat down and started to unwrap each one on the floor (the chocolate never touched the floor though. That would be icky). Brian, the amazing person he is, didn't question it. He never asked what I was doing, or why I was sitting on the floor doing it. This wonderful man sat down on the floor with me, and started unwrapping chocolate. I am so blessed.

After fondue, we set up my laptop and hard drive to watch movies on. We set it on the bar downstairs, put on our swimsuits and watched our movie from the hot tub while we enjoyed our wine.

We were in bed pretty early (for us anyway), probably went to bed around 1:00-2:00am. Woke up kind of late too. We woke up around 12pm and just lounged around for a while. Left to go to Michigan City zoo pretty late (around 2pm). We ended up passing it completely, and ended up just over the border in Michigan. Too funny. He says now I can't tell him he's never taken me out of state. He's a riot. We turned around, and found the zoo around 3pm. They were open until four, but the ticket booth was closed, so we couldn't buy a ticket. No worries were to be had though! There was Lake Michigan and a beach right across the street!! So we took off our shoes, grabbed Brian's football out of his trunk (I swear, he has EVERY sport imaginable in there!) and headed toward the beach. My PillowPet, Spetznas

We got home around 4:30 and just laid down and cuddled. He enjoys annoying me by kissing my nose. To be fair, every time he does it, I giggle like a little school-girl and he finds this absolutely adorable. He gave Spetsnaz a shirt with his cologne sprayed on it for me to cuddle with before he left to go play basketball.

Brian kissing my nose to make me giggle.

I'm blessed beyond measure.

I sure did enjoy my "weekend" though. Now I'm off to sleep for work in the morning.

Thank you for taking the time to look inside my head.

-Sammi

She's Nothing But Porcelain Underneath Her Skin..

"She waits another week to fall apart. She couldn't wait another day."
Today's Blog title and snipet is from "American Girls" by Counting Crows

Before I start with my usual ramblings, I'm going to link here:

Today's question asks,"If you could meet someone famous today, who would it be? And why?"

My answer would have to be more than one person. It's an entire group. I loved Jack's Mannequin long before Vicki passed away, but now they're even more special to me. In addition to founding The Dear Jack Foundation, Vicki really saw them as a source of comfort during her battle with Leukemia. I'd want to personally thank them for that.

And now onto our regularly scheduled program:

What is it that makes people forget that others have feelings? There are quite a few instances this week at work that made me think, "Do you talk to everyone else this way?"

For Instance:

Today I had a woman come up to me, nothing but attitude all over her face. I wish her a Happy Mother's Day and she just glares at me. Oookay then. So I ring her up, (Asking me to check the price of nearly every item in her cart), and I tell her what her total is. She starts counting out her money, and puts it on the belt. I wait patiently for her to finish counting, but before she even gets to that point she looks at me and points to the money (Which is not all there yet) attitude dripping from the words leaving her mouth, and says "Take the money." She turns back to her wallet, while I'm holding this money (that I can do NOTHING with) until she finishes counting out her 97 cents in change (Because Heaven FORBID, she receive three pennies).

Who taught you that it was appropriate to treat people this way? Is it because you're on the other side of the cash register that you think you're better than me? Is it because I'm young that you think you can talk to me in such a disrespectful tone? What is it?

My mother did NOT raise me to treat people that way. I was taught to be polite, respectful, and courteous of ALL people. Any time I go to the grocery store, gas station, or even Burger King (ANYWHERE I go) I greet the employee with a smile, ask how their day is going (if they ask me how mine is going, I tell them and then thank them for asking). Once I'm finished with whatever business I was conducting, I tell them to have a great day (night or afternoon). Why is it so hard for people to do this?

I don't pretend to be perfect, but I do believe that everyone should be treated in a way that we would like to be treated. Also today, I had a woman who was using an EBT card (Food Stamps). She tried to swipe her card to pay for her groceries, hiding the card from the customers behind her. The card was telling me that she only had X amount of money on her card, not enough to pay for her groceries. Instead of telling her aloud, which most people would have done, I politely told her that there was a problem with her card, and handed her the receipt paper that explained the issue. I didn't feel the need to put her business out where it wasn't needed. And she was grateful for that. I would want the same thing done to me.

I'm not going to go into detail about how annoying/frustrating it is when parents let their children run rampant through the store screaming, knocking things over, getting in other customer's ways, getting in employees' ways, etc. Let's just suffice it to say that it goes FAR beyond a pet peeve.

But I digress. Aside from the sore back and ankles, my first week cashiering at Wal-Mart was pretty good.

On to a topic that never ceases to make me smile, my GORGEOUS and AMAZING boyfriend, Brian. :D

Tomorrow is our weekly classy wine, and movie night. And, should everything go according to plan, we're also going to FONDUE!! I'm so excited. I haven't done fondue in almost two years now. I miss it. It's so much fun. I miss my Loserface. He is the highlight of my week (We usually only see each other on Monday nights). I get to be silly with him, and he ALWAYS makes me laugh. I have a lot of fun with him. And even after almost 7 months of dating exclusively, we still have never actually fought. After my past relationships, it's so refreshing. I don't feel like I have to tip-toe around him. If we have an issue, we're able to talk it out (Like the ADULTS we are), and we're able to resolve it in the same day.

Side note:
What do you think of the new blog layout? Is it too much on the eyes? Let me know, and if you think it's too difficult to read, what can I do to make it easier?


Thanks for taking a peek inside of my head,

Sammi

The Whole World Is Watching, You Haven't Come This Far To Fall Off The Earth...

"You've gotta swim, swim for your life. Swim for the music that saves you when you're not so sure you'll survive."
Today's title and snipet is "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin

It's no secret that I am absolutely in love with music. It always has, and always will be there for me whenever I need it. I listen to music to make me happy when I'm sad, to make me laugh when I'm crying, and to discover things I never really knew about myself. There are times (okay, more often than not) that lyrics can describe my thoughts and feelings more than I ever could. There's just something about it that's so inspiring. That's not to say that I am unable to think of these things on my own. But music just has a way of GETTING ME that nothing else has ever been able to compare to. If someone ever asks me what my favorite song is, I can't answer them definitely. It's become much easier to say that "My song of the moment is..." because depending on the circumstances in my life it changes.

As Mother's Day approaches, I find myself listening to Jack's Mannequin's song "Swim" on repeat. I blast it in my car on the way to work, the gas station, McDonald's, and anywhere else I have to go. This song has been my "mantra" during my hard days. This song reminds me that I have to keep going, that I can't stop the world from spinning, and that life (whether I'm content with it or not) goes on. There's nothing that I can do to change that. So I can either suck it up and keep living my life, or be miserable and just exist. I'd much rather live my life to the fullest than to go through the motions of each day. What would that accomplish? My mother wouldn't want that for me. Vicki wouldn't want that for me. And I certainly don't want that for myself.

I miss my mother terribly. Most days, you would never even know it. Because I can't dwell in the past with what-should-have-beens. I need to keep on keeping on. My mother would be proud of me. She was absolutely brilliant. One of the kindest, generous, and caring people I ever had the pleasure to have in my life. And it's fantastic that I can say that she is my mother. She was almost always right. Especially about my love life. But those were the things that I needed to figure out on my own, and I'm so glad that I did. Not only for the lessons that they brought, but because they made me who I am today. And these days, I am SO happy being me.

I read the last blog I wrote to Brian. A part of me was afraid to let him see it. I don't want anything misconstrued, or to be mistaken with wanting more. So I was a little fearful with letting him hear it. I'm not sure why I was so afraid. He seemed happy with what I wrote. Aside from being my amazing boyfriend, I can say that he's one of my best friends. I can be myself around him, and he makes me laugh. We have classy wine and movie nights and we just hang out. At least once a week, while we're on the phone, I tell him that I have a secret to tell him. Every week, it's the same silly secret. Every week, I tell him that I'm a llama, and every week he acts shocked like this is the first time he's hearing about it. (More on the llama story at a later date).
Everyday he reminds me of how blessed I am. Thank you for that Gorgeous. :-*

And while this blog is a rambling mess, probably filled with grammatical errors (because I'm too tired to care, and too lazy to put on my glasses) these are my thoughts of the night. Unedited (except for swearing, because that's just not adorable to read).

Thanks for taking the time to get to know what's in my head.

-Sammi

I Wish I Could Tie You Up In My Shoes, Make You Feel Unpretty Too...

"Same old me again today..."
Today's title and snipet (while originally was "Unpretty" by TLC) was actually inspired by a mash-up that the show Glee did of "Unpretty" by TLC and "I Feel Pretty" from the musical West Side Story Check It Out

It's 2:30 in the morning and I'm awake writing this. I don't even know what I want to say. I think I may just need to prove to myself that I can still do this. I can still put my thoughts and feelings down on "paper".

I haven't written in so long. It has to be at least three years since I last sat down and just started typing all of the thoughts that were running through my head. Maybe that's why the past few months I've had trouble sleeping? So many thoughts zip and zoom through my head without a rhyme or reason. Most of them make no sense. It's just a jumble of words, not forming a comprehensible sentence.

So much has changed since I last did this. So many ups and downs have come to be.

I miss my mother every single day. Some days more than others, but she is in my thoughts every single day that I am alive. She was my best friend. My mommy. The woman who gave me life and helped to shape me into the person I am today. She was my rock. I knew that no matter how bad any situation was, that she'd always be there for me. I visited her grave for the first time last month. It was so hard. It was so easy to just pretend like I hadn't seen or spoken to her in a while, but seeing the headstone made it all a reality and I couldn't help but cry. I hugged my nephew tight and just let the tears fall. I miss her so much. I can't even put into words how it feels. I don't think that one exists. The closest to describing it would be: empty.

We lost Vicki back in November. I know it's selfish of me to think this way, but life isn't fair. I feel like she had so much more left to do in this world. So much more love to give. And the pain that she went through... Well, the feelings go so far beyond unfair. I miss her. I feel guilty that I didn't take the time to get to know her better while she was still alive. She was my sister, and I took advantage of the time I thought we had left.

Brian is the most amazing guy I have ever had the pleasure to meet, befriend, and date. He is my rock, and so much more. He has been so patient with me, and so kind. If the situations had been reversed, I don't know if I would have continued the relationship with all that I've put him through. We met in late September, and as the holidays approached I started to miss my mom more and more. Then we lost Vicki, and all the time that I thought I had left to get to know her vanished. I was out of time. I had lost my chance, and there was no option for a second one. I was under extreme emotional stress, and the slightest thing would send me into a crying fit. Or a panic attack. It just depended on the day. He was wonderful, and stood by my side. He'd let me use his shoulder to cry on, even though we both knew that he should probably have gone home. I can tell him pretty much anything, without him thinking I'm insane. Though, I wonder why he doesn't based upon our first few months together. He is truly a remarkable person, and I am absolutely blessed to have him as a part of my life. I'm lucky enough to be able to call him mine. Will he always be mine? Only time will tell, but I'm happy living with the fact that in this very moment, we belong to each other. He's my earth-bound angel. I adore him.

I guess I've done what I've set out to prove. I can still do this. Does it always make sense? No, but neither do my thoughts half of the time. Most of the time, I'm really not quite sure what I'm thinking about. I do plan on doing this more though. Maybe not everyday, because I'm just not that disciplined. But, I think it will make my mind healthier, and hopefully sleep come easier.

If you happened to stumble across my rambling thoughts, thank you for taking the time to read them.