The Whole World Is Watching, You Haven't Come This Far To Fall Off The Earth...

"You've gotta swim, swim for your life. Swim for the music that saves you when you're not so sure you'll survive."
Today's title and snipet is "Swim" by Jack's Mannequin

It's no secret that I am absolutely in love with music. It always has, and always will be there for me whenever I need it. I listen to music to make me happy when I'm sad, to make me laugh when I'm crying, and to discover things I never really knew about myself. There are times (okay, more often than not) that lyrics can describe my thoughts and feelings more than I ever could. There's just something about it that's so inspiring. That's not to say that I am unable to think of these things on my own. But music just has a way of GETTING ME that nothing else has ever been able to compare to. If someone ever asks me what my favorite song is, I can't answer them definitely. It's become much easier to say that "My song of the moment is..." because depending on the circumstances in my life it changes.

As Mother's Day approaches, I find myself listening to Jack's Mannequin's song "Swim" on repeat. I blast it in my car on the way to work, the gas station, McDonald's, and anywhere else I have to go. This song has been my "mantra" during my hard days. This song reminds me that I have to keep going, that I can't stop the world from spinning, and that life (whether I'm content with it or not) goes on. There's nothing that I can do to change that. So I can either suck it up and keep living my life, or be miserable and just exist. I'd much rather live my life to the fullest than to go through the motions of each day. What would that accomplish? My mother wouldn't want that for me. Vicki wouldn't want that for me. And I certainly don't want that for myself.

I miss my mother terribly. Most days, you would never even know it. Because I can't dwell in the past with what-should-have-beens. I need to keep on keeping on. My mother would be proud of me. She was absolutely brilliant. One of the kindest, generous, and caring people I ever had the pleasure to have in my life. And it's fantastic that I can say that she is my mother. She was almost always right. Especially about my love life. But those were the things that I needed to figure out on my own, and I'm so glad that I did. Not only for the lessons that they brought, but because they made me who I am today. And these days, I am SO happy being me.

I read the last blog I wrote to Brian. A part of me was afraid to let him see it. I don't want anything misconstrued, or to be mistaken with wanting more. So I was a little fearful with letting him hear it. I'm not sure why I was so afraid. He seemed happy with what I wrote. Aside from being my amazing boyfriend, I can say that he's one of my best friends. I can be myself around him, and he makes me laugh. We have classy wine and movie nights and we just hang out. At least once a week, while we're on the phone, I tell him that I have a secret to tell him. Every week, it's the same silly secret. Every week, I tell him that I'm a llama, and every week he acts shocked like this is the first time he's hearing about it. (More on the llama story at a later date).
Everyday he reminds me of how blessed I am. Thank you for that Gorgeous. :-*

And while this blog is a rambling mess, probably filled with grammatical errors (because I'm too tired to care, and too lazy to put on my glasses) these are my thoughts of the night. Unedited (except for swearing, because that's just not adorable to read).

Thanks for taking the time to get to know what's in my head.

-Sammi